Care plans

So anyone who has ever been in nursing school knows about care plans...they are the bane of your existence while in school, endless hours spent thinking about, working on, or crying over things that seem sooooo obvious. You basically state what is wrong, find out why, why said thing happened, what to do about it and what the outcome will be... So i am sitting here watching "The L word", and wishing i was half as classy as my favorite lesbos. So here is a sample of my care plan....
I can't just say "I want to loose weight." Because anyone who knows me or has seen me knows this is so.
Problem : I am a fat ass
As evidenced by : My fat ass, my lack of clothes, my lack of self esteem
What Got me here : Eating crap and not moving
What I Want: To not have a fat ass, no rolls, 1 chin, ass lines, no bird flap arms
What to do : Eat better, move my ass
Outcome : Be thinner, have self esteem, be healthier, size 8

Make your own care plan....discuss